HaPpY nEw YeAr!!!!

I LOVE you 2010. 2009 you are tacky and I hate you.

Heavy Conversation
Is that really on your mind?
I asked a simple question,
that word was far from mine.
Heavy Conversation
My heart breaks out in tears,
Will you hate me? You ask.
You just confirmed my fears!
Heavy Conversation
Why did you come so fast?
I wasn't ready for you,
It reawakens all my past.
Heavy Conversation
Will you believe me when I say:
I want to take things slow
Maybe we can revisit this someday.
Heavy Conversation
Your weighing on my soul,
Everything you say confuses me
I just pray someday you'll know.
Heavy Conversation
I hadn't even began to think of us that way
If it's right then it's right,
and it will all work out someday.

WAHOOOOOOOO

Ok. So next week is finals. I am excited for two reasons. School will be over. and .... SCHOOOL WILL BE OVER. hahahahaa. Anyways, since being back from Cedar life has been insanity. School and work and school and work and James and work and school. It's hard balancing but I feel like I do an ok job. I am done with all christmas shopping for the most part. There are several things that I should or could buy but I have to wait until I have the time to get around to it. Guess what!?! I woke up at 6 AM today and I am so fine. No tiredness at all. This is amazing ladies and gentlemen. 6 AM !!! Thats insanity. James and I went up to temple square to look at the lights. I have never been before to the lights . It was so bright and beautiful and the spirit was so strong there. I am happy and grateful that I live so close to temple square. What a blessing that is. Some members never get to go there and I can go anytime I want as it is only 45 min. away. I have truly been experiencing the power of the savior and our Heavenly Father in my life. After Jeffs blessing so many things have started to just work out. Faith alone can do so very much. I think I sold my contract. I am jumping for joy. Nothing is for sure final yet as they have to still sign the papers but it looks as if they are majorly serious about it. They are just waiting for their background check to be approved and I will forever be done with Courtside. Jillian seemed so angry that it sold but just the other day she was so mad that it hadn't. I don't know how to please her. I don't know what needs to be done. I am thankful that it has sold and perhaps after things settle down and are not so heated between us we can regain some form of relationship. I gave James his Christmas present when we went to temple square. I know it was rather early for such gift but I wanted him to have it before we went up as the first thing in it has to do with temple square. I think he liked it. He seemed happy. I am glad because it took a great deal of work and time and we all know that time is very hard to come by.
Christmas season is great. Many miracles surround us all we need to do is open our eyes and see them.
LOVE KEIM

Temples = LOVE LOVE LOVE

So Cedar City was absolutley fabulous. I almost made it through the cow tunnels without being afeared. but I still got scared. It wasn't nearly so freaky with james beside me though. It was a really great weekend. Nothing can compare to the temple. Nothing. I felt so away from the freaky doom of my life when I went there and it was the only time I was and have felt absolute peace in my life for quite some time. Jill and I had a conversation where we were actually decent to each other so I feel hope about our future relationship. I really worry sometimes about the future of our friendship. The whole housing/ jillian situation is a major panic in my life. James met the family. Greatest part is they all adore him. I mean who wouldn't ? but seriously its my family so i was feeling slightly doom about it. but THEY ADORE him so that is so good. Jefafa gave me the most amazing blessing ever. I felt the spirit way strong and since that blessing so many things have happened IN ONE DAY that were referenced to it and showed me truth and peace. I love the gospel so much. I dont know what I would do without my savior and my heavenly father. I love them so much and am thankful for everything just everything.

CeDaR hErE i CoMe ... AgAin.

So the gang and I we are heading down south this weekend. It's going to be great. Its going to be extreme GLORY. I have been holding my breath waiting for this road trip for weeks. And it's tomorrow. :)

Doubts

Life is pretty good right now. It's also pretty horrible.
Jillian called me the other day. To be to the point she tore up my heart. She knows me well we have been through everything together. She knows the old me, the new me, the fake me, the real me, the KIM. She knows it. So she knows how to mess with me when she gets angry. She is angry.

I understand.

I understand her anger COMPLETLEY. I was in her same shoes not even two months ago. I try to explain that to her bur she is blinded by her rage and fury. It makes me so sad. It hurts that she can't even comprehend my half. It makes me upset that I can't convey it to her in way that she gets it.

Instead she confirms all my worst fears. That I am a truly horrible person. I liar, a fake ... A person that only has friends because she pretends to be something she is not. She questions everything I have worked hard to gain. All those doubts that were placed into my mind .... that tell me everyday that i'm not good. She gives them strength and nourishment. She makes them truth.

I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't even realize I was doing it... which is perhaps the worst part. I feel so sorry I dont know how to show her that its one of the biggest regrets of my life. But it was something I had to do. There wasn't even an option.

She means to hurt. She aims to. Its her target. And she never misses

1...2....3....4...1...2... COUGH AHHH I dont know how to breath

I went running with James. Me + Running = hacking up a lung
Running with a chest cold isn't always the smartest thing to do.
I woke up and my legs hurt and my chest was furious with me.
BUT I feel amazing .... happy excited to be running again.
I forgot how much I loved it. The rhythm. The counting.
I have to count. 1234 1234 1234 . It's calming. Its how I figure out
to breath. Running clears my mind. There is something about running next to a guy.
I like.
Yesterday at work guess who put out 95 cases of toys.
I DID PICK ME PICK ME
I was like a freight superwoman. I was pretty proud. My head is inflated.
I have a lot going on a lot going through my mind. A lot to think about.
A lot to remember.
A lot to forget
I know I said I had stopped freaking out so much.
Which is partly true.
But I still have that glimmer that voice in the back of my head.
You are cheating. Your pretending. DOUBT. DOUBt. DOUbt. DOubt. Doubt. doubt.
:( I hate feeling like that when this is the best thing in my life.
I question every little thing because this is way to good to be true.
I worry.

DEAR JULIE

I would never deck you in the face either. THE END

Texts of glory all day long, sickness of flem, SNOW

Can I just say that I am so happy that James is my man. Ok I am going to say it. I am SO SO happy and blessed and thankful to have this incredible guy in my life. He makes me smile all the day long except of course in my nightmares where I wake up in a rage wanting to deck him and Julie in the face. But that is not reality. In reality I could never ever want to deck him in his face. He is such a good'un. My dad taught me some really cool new recipes today which makesme happy as I love to cook alot and new recipes are like crack to me. ... Been sleeping most of today and yesterday CHEST COLD WILL NOT LET ME BE!!!!!! Started snowing which would normally be fine but I really do not want to drive three hours in a blizzard Driving in the snow scares the crap outof me still. Even though I have done it for every winter of my life since I turned sixteen. I am from UTAH this should not freak me out in such the manner that it does. Decorating the tree with the family tonight. SO HAPPY I LOVE FAMILY.
From James' girl
KEIM
^ Doesn't that just sound fab? haha it does the trick for me ;)

Give me those sheets and noone gets hurt!

Life is so great. First HaPpY tUrKeY dAy!!! My thanksgiving was amazing. I really miss my family and I got to see my older bro whom I haven't seen in quite some time. We have alot more in common recently than we have had in the past so I really enjoy talking with him. My little brother and I are getting along alot better too. It scares me that he doesn't believe in God anymore though. I wish that I was around him more maybe thing would have been different. He has gone down a sad path since I left it makes me worried. James called me on ThAnKsGiViNg which pretty much put the cherry on the top. I feel really blessed to have such an awesome guy in my life. I figured out some reasons behind the emotions that I have been feeling and understanding things has helped me put things into focus and to calm down. No more panic attacks latley so that is good. Talked with a few things that were worrying my heart and it makes me sohappy that we can communicate so well with one another. It makes me giddy when I see his profile and it says In a Relationship with Kimberly Lynn Kenefick. My heart does little flips and my cockles resemble fireworks. I can't wait to see him. Now that I am not freaking out so mucho.

So ....
This thing called love ...... its terrifying
I know that time it doesn't wait for any man but I feel like going slow is good
I feel like slow can be happiness
but slow .... being slow it can kill
Emotional state of mind: Terrified, guilty, .... in LOVE, cant say it ... dont understand
Sometimes it takes love to mend the broken heart
? True ? False ? I dont know ?
I do know that I am falling for you. Falling fast ... so you better catch me or it's going to hurt

So
1. Today was a great day
2. I almost died which is perhaps the 50th time that DollarTree has made an attempt on my life
3. I really like a boy I like him very much
4. He likes me back :)
5. Or so he says
6. I played people blackout . It was good. REAL GOOD.
7. I watched New Moon. It was GLORY .
8. Jacob without a shirt = amazzzzzing .

New Blog

I have a new blog. My bff Julie helped me set it up. Today is the first day of a glorious new adventure my friends .... can you handle this?
To be Continued . . .